Sexual Chemistry or Sexual Skill

Hello fellow young adults!

So prior to writing a new post, I went through some of my drafts that I’ve had saved for how long. And then I found this one – it was mostly written, what I thought was an interesting topic and still relevant. So I’ve edited and added to this post but the majority of the ideas were from February.

Further to my post back in February (The Politics of Dating), I wrote about my experience on a second date. Originally, I focused a lot about some of the discussions that we had at the beginning of the date. I left out the second half of the date – the stuff that happened in the bedroom.

No, we did not sleep together. Not that I wouldn’t do it on a second date but it was just not something on my mind.

Yet everything else that we did was spectacular. And I mean “Oh” my gosh.

This was a thought that lingered in my mind for at least a week after our second date. It made me feel like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and The City except I wasn’t going to get paid to finish this blog post, which is probably why it had to sit for 9 months before I looked at it again. Nevertheless…

Was my great experience because we have good sexual chemistry or because he has good sexual skill?

This boy in question has a fairly experienced number of partners in my opinion. And I’m not trying to cast any sort of judgment because as many of my friends would indicate, it’s a learning process, self-discovery and really, just fun. As long as people are safe about protecting themselves, who am I to say what number of partners is too many for a person.

However, I still do need to believe that a certain number of partners would indicate a different level of skill. It’s different experience with different people – the opportunity to notice new trends and patterns and even new things to try out.

During the chat that this boy and I had when revealing our numbers, I expressed my surprise to his number. His response (wittingly), “was I so inept?”. And my reply, “no, I guess I was the inept one there”. And again, this is my own perception, but the more times you compete at an event, typically, the better you do. For example, the more swim meets that one attends, the more comfortable said person gets at diving into the pool, doing the flip turns, finishing at the wall etc.. And if they go to different pools, lets say, they learn about different formats of pools.

Fast forward to the present – this boy and I are no longer dating, we never slept together but we did have some fun. We didn’t work out, I think, because although the physical was great, we couldn’t catch up the emotional/intellectual connection to a place that I would like it to be. I actually remember going on a fourth or fifth date, hoping that we could find some common ground before I broke it off. I think it was relatively mutual.

I think that he was someone with a lot of sexual skill. My ex-lover (not even a serious relationship but the closest thing that I have) and I had a great combination of sexual chemistry and sexual skill. I think that’s the goal – to find someone who obviously knows that they’re doing but that just matches with your body.


Hair Style Personality Quiz

Okay, readers! Pop quiz.

How is your hair currently styled? (Sorry to any male readers, I think this mostly applies to females but you can try it out and let me know if it works or not)

A) In a ponytail/messy bun or other “easy” hairstyle

B) In a fancy up-do

C) Natural and down

D) Polished with hair styling tools and left down


If you answered:

A) In a ponytail/messy bun etc.: You are a busy, on-the-go type of person. You sometimes pack your social and business calendar too tight but you can’t bear the thought of missing out on an exciting opportunity. You might be athletic, you might not have the patience, skill or time to properly do your hair. It’s pretty typical but you always seem to rock it.

B) In a fancy up-do: You like to take care of yourself. You might even go so far as to pamper yourself. You understand the importance of first impressions and know that you can meet someone important around any corner. Others tend to be in awe of your skill and abilities and those translate beyond hair. You have great attention to detail and always take your time to properly do each task. Your meticulous work ethic translates to your personal and professional life.

C) Natural and down: You might be a bit of a hippy chick. You maybe are a bit of an environmentalist and a go-with-the-flow type of person. You don’t want to let people believe that you’re something you’re not. You would never dream of lying on your resume or in an interview. You are likely comfortable with who you are as a person and have a bit of a “take it or leave it” mentality when it comes to others not being a fan of you. You embrace who you are and who others are which is why most people are a fan of you.

D) Polished with hair styling tools and left down: You find it fun to prime yourself up. Similar to people who wear fancy up-dos, you know the importance of first impressions and like to be ready for pictures at any moment. You know how to look good without making it look like you spent too much time. You think that when you look good, you feel good and will project a different type of confidence. You have great technical skills and  a good balance between personal and professional life. People look up to you as a role model because you know how to look good without making it look like you put in a lot of effort.

This is just my own take on a personality quiz. By no means do I have a degree or any education in psychology. It was just a thought that had occurred to me one day as I was getting ready for work.

To get to know me a little bit better – the answer to my current hair style is – A : in a ponytail/messy bun. When I am on shifts (I do 3-4 in a row), my hair is almost consistently going to be naturally left down or be put into a ponytail. I feel the most comfortable when it is in a ponytail. (Even though you would think it would be most comfortable being left down and left natural, I think it’s just easier to have it in a ponytail).

This post was also partly inspired by a co-worker of mine. It’s funny because when I work with her, her hair is constantly like mine and either in a messy bun or in a ponytail. Yet on the posts that I follow of hers on Instagram, her hair is always straightened and down. So it was just a bit of a take on different personalities as well as how different social circumstances can affect your current personality.

There are some people, like my mother, who have their hair in the same style everyday. My mother would fall into category D. She’s always ready for a picture with her primed hair and make-up but she is definitely a great role model for having that balance between professional and personal.

Hopefully I didn’t offend anybody with this post and you got to think about how hairstyle can reflect personality and the bigger picture in life.

Sharing some thoughts

Elite Daily, one of my favourite online news sources, published an article about a New York web producer sending tweets that compared the action of being raped to the theft of one’s wallet. I thought for a moment after reading it about the power that was grounded in the article. I wanted others read the article… but I didn’t want to share it as a status on FB. I didn’t want to send a tweet about it (although let’s be serious, I don’t tweet). I didn’t want to cause a stir. Or allow a potential label of “feminist” be stigmatized as part of my identity. But that’s when I reminded myself that this fear of the stigma of the feminist label perpetuates it.

I’m not a shy person. I’ve been told by many that I’m very confident for my age. Yet borders of social stigma definitely still make me uncomfortable. Maybe because I studied Sociology in university so I feel like I know at least some of the social costs of stigmatization.

I don’t post a lot on Facebook or Instagram. The occasional status update or picture about what’s going on in my life but for the most part, my friends have a pretty good idea about what’s going on in my life.

At the end of the day, I decided to try something new. This is definitely a heavy area but it still requires change of thought. And sharing ideas is one of the best ways to get started into a better direction, in my opinion.

At the end of the day, here’s the link to what I thought to be a fabulous article:

If you like it, great. If not, I hope I didn’t offend you. If I did offend you, please be aware that this is just being done in the interest in changing the reactionary mentality of society about women (and men) who have been raped.