Sexual Chemistry or Sexual Skill

Hello fellow young adults!

So prior to writing a new post, I went through some of my drafts that I’ve had saved for how long. And then I found this one – it was mostly written, what I thought was an interesting topic and still relevant. So I’ve edited and added to this post but the majority of the ideas were from February.

Further to my post back in February (The Politics of Dating), I wrote about my experience on a second date. Originally, I focused a lot about some of the discussions that we had at the beginning of the date. I left out the second half of the date – the stuff that happened in the bedroom.

No, we did not sleep together. Not that I wouldn’t do it on a second date but it was just not something on my mind.

Yet everything else that we did was spectacular. And I mean “Oh” my gosh.

This was a thought that lingered in my mind for at least a week after our second date. It made me feel like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and The City except I wasn’t going to get paid to finish this blog post, which is probably why it had to sit for 9 months before I looked at it again. Nevertheless…

Was my great experience because we have good sexual chemistry or because he has good sexual skill?

This boy in question has a fairly experienced number of partners in my opinion. And I’m not trying to cast any sort of judgment because as many of my friends would indicate, it’s a learning process, self-discovery and really, just fun. As long as people are safe about protecting themselves, who am I to say what number of partners is too many for a person.

However, I still do need to believe that a certain number of partners would indicate a different level of skill. It’s different experience with different people – the opportunity to notice new trends and patterns and even new things to try out.

During the chat that this boy and I had when revealing our numbers, I expressed my surprise to his number. His response (wittingly), “was I so inept?”. And my reply, “no, I guess I was the inept one there”. And again, this is my own perception, but the more times you compete at an event, typically, the better you do. For example, the more swim meets that one attends, the more comfortable said person gets at diving into the pool, doing the flip turns, finishing at the wall etc.. And if they go to different pools, lets say, they learn about different formats of pools.

Fast forward to the present – this boy and I are no longer dating, we never slept together but we did have some fun. We didn’t work out, I think, because although the physical was great, we couldn’t catch up the emotional/intellectual connection to a place that I would like it to be. I actually remember going on a fourth or fifth date, hoping that we could find some common ground before I broke it off. I think it was relatively mutual.

I think that he was someone with a lot of sexual skill. My ex-lover (not even a serious relationship but the closest thing that I have) and I had a great combination of sexual chemistry and sexual skill. I think that’s the goal – to find someone who obviously knows that they’re doing but that just matches with your body.