Sleepless

I’m having a difficult time knowing whether I’ve just screwed up my internal sleeping pattern or whether something is bothering me more than I want to admit.

For the most part, my life is reaching a calm that is in uncharted waters for me. I have a stable, full-time position  that I really do love (even if I complain while I’m there, if I’m going to have to do something for work, I can see no better fit). I have good friends and am starting to look at real estate to fully establish my adult status. (In actuality, I don’t want to establish this adult identity but society seems to think that being 24 and still living at home is a little tragic).

The last 3 nights have been difficult for me. I can be exhausted upon getting back in the house and yet upon getting into my bed, I stay perfectly awake. I’m watching the same shows or movies that usually lull me to sleep; nothing in my caffeine intake has greatly increased. Still. I stay awake even when I am counting down the hours to work.

What I don’t want to admit is how I’m not sure what’s happening with this guy. I was supposed to see this guy this weekend and neither one of us texted each other. And we still haven’t texted each other. It’s almost like we don’t want to admit to each other that we like each other. Or maybe he’s actually not interested, didn’t keep the plan in his calendar and isn’t losing any sleep over it. Maybe he hasn’t even thought of my name or face.

I hate to admit further is how I actually really like this guy. We have known each other for quite some time and I guess that something in my brain has hyped this up. That’s why I’m trying to save face.

Maybe I know the answer of my sleepless nights.

Hopefully I find some internal peace and make it to sleep with more than 5 hours sleep before my next shift… whether that internal peace is just from me getting over it, from hearing from him or getting the courage to actually message him first.

Happy sleep to all of you! xo

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