Discomfort of Single People

So as I have written, I am single and I am also new to my job. My job requires me to shadow somebody for so many months in order to get “signed off”. And with shadowing, obviously comes downtime when you talk a bit about what’s going on in your life. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m new or if I’ll always feel this way but I feel as the “trainee”, my life is a lot more on the spotlight than theirs and I am the one who is to answer more questions.

So my trainer was asking what I was doing this weekend and I brought up how I was going to dinner with a friend. (I honestly can’t remember whether I gave up the information of it being a male friend or if she asked). She asked whether he was just a friend or if we were more than friends. I don’t understand exactly why: a) people immediately assume I’m heterosexual (I am but it just further verifies how hetero-normative our society really is) and b) why people of the opposite genders cannot be friends and finally, c) why a person cannot just be single.

Do single people make others uncomfortable?

I find a lot of solidarity with Sex and the City for the fact that it basely a lot on single women (although I don’t quite fit with the age category, I’m slowly getting there). They ask a few times within the show with whether single people make the rest of the world uncomfortable.

I’m not saying that I don’t want to date but I’m not really in the gung-ho mood about it these days. I want to put a little more focus on my job and get a bit more comfortable there. I love to spend my days off just laying on the couch or working out. There’s things about your routine that get ruined when you meet somebody new and I’m just in the phase of focusing so much on the negative aspects of it than the positive.

And furthermore, with dating, is there something wrong about dating with no make-up? I started it about a year ago I think when I would go on first dates bare. A lot of it stemmed from meeting people from online and wanting to make an accurate representation of who I am. I’m not a person who straightens her hair every week or wears contacts everyday. I like the wave that is within my hair. I have plenty of friends who say that they could never do that for themselves and are somewhat shocked/horrified that it’s something that I do. I’m sure society pegs me as being lazy but I wish I was at least somewhat celebrated for accepting my body. I want to have a balance of looking presentable but also being honest with myself and the other person – I am not somebody who always looks amazing when going out (especially if that’s just for running errands like going to the grocery store). I’m not somebody who has ever taken a lot of pride in my appearance. So when I go out on dates and have the nice hair and the nice make-up and everything else, I feel like I’m almost playing a part rather than playing me. Isn’t the whole point to find somebody who likes you for being you? Then why are we always so pressured to putting on this show in order to get somebody to like you. As if when you start dating and become boyfriend/girlfriend, you’ve got them locked in and you can slowly start to be the “real you”. That’s just not how I want my relationships to work.

I’m sure there are many things that I do that make others uncomfortable but I wonder if my embrace of my single woman status is one of those things.


3 thoughts on “Discomfort of Single People

  1. Totally agree! For as long as I can remember so many people (family/friends/acquaintances) have always asked me “Have you got s boyfriend yet” and when I reply with no it’s usually followed by either “aww don’t worry it’ll happen” or “you’re better off”
    The first I always found annoying, don’t aww me I’m perfectly happy thank you very much.
    The second you never believed them so why say it? It’s as if they’re trying to make me feel better when there’s no need?

    I don’t know – really great post! Once again got me thinking about life etc.!


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