Are there deadlines in life?
I was watching The Biggest Loser. One of the contestants (and a part of the top 4) turned 40 while on the show. She has never been in a long term relationship and doesn’t have any children. She is getting a part of her life back together, which is definitely amazing. But there’s something about her story that stings true to me, even though I’m only 23.
I haven’t been in a very serious long term relationship. Nor do I have any prospects on the horizon.
It’s kind of a funny way how life draws parallels. My ex-lover was 23 when I was 18. I didn’t know what the meaning of a long term relationship was and he was smart enough to know that we weren’t in the same places. (Side note: this didn’t stop me from pursuing him for the next three years of my life haha). He was so regimented about getting married and having kids by a certain age. It was something so foreign to me. Yet as a 23 year old now, I can somewhat feel the pressure that he felt five years ago.
One of the reasons that I’ve shied away from a serious relationship is because of my undefined career status. Even when I was a law clerk, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life. For whatever reason, I have the belief that you need to have your professional life solidified before the personal life follows. Maybe that’s a flaw in my own judgment or maybe it will all work out for me in the end.
My last entry in my journal talked about dream job, friends and love. And how we were lucky if we even got a third of the pie. I’m not sure whether I fully believe what I wrote but currently, there’s a lot of truth to it.
At what point in my life do I start aggressively trying to look for love? I know when I’m going to start really looking seriously for work (although I’m hoping that some plans will fall into place before that period). I’m a personality that’s so driven by deadlines – I’m not a procrastinator. I always like to have my work done way before the deadline. But this is something that doesn’t exactly have a deadline… this is something I can play with. And because of that, might it become the one thing that I procrastinate?
I mean, I can have kids well into my 40s with the way that science is going. I can even adopt into my 50s. So where’s the pressure? Why wouldn’t I look for work before love these days?
My mother made the opposite decision. Her parents were older and she wanted to be a young parent. She had me when she was 29. But she got married when she was 23. And had my sister when she was 26. So her timeline doesn’t work for me right now.
There’s definitely societal pressure to be in a relationship. I know I even feel it at our small family functions. My sister and mother bring their significant other and I’m the fifth wheel.
For the next 3 years, I’m not worrying about love or children. I don’t even know if those are things that I want in my life. I’m waiting to meet the person to determine whether those are actually important things to me.